he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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