goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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