His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize