Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
