shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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