I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
