Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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