you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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