hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
