hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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