I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
