Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sext me about skeletons
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
