Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
