I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize