You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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