I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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