Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are we still banned from the library?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
