I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
