jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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