Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
