i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
