There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
