The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
