Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
