I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
