Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
