I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
