i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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