I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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