i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
