So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
