Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
