We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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