pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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