I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize