I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think im going to throw up on grandma
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
