My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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