OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
