Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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