I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
