Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
