if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
