i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
