If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
