Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
