So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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