Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
