In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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