She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i think i just lost a toe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
