Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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