I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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