I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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