you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
