Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
