I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
being pregnant is like rehab
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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