somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
