On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
