Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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