mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
