I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
