My cat gives me a boner
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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