you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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