Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
