ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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