Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
