Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
