My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
