end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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