doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
